Lights! Lights! Lights!

I used to watch the Marine Corps' ad when I was a kid that said "We do more before 9 am than most people do all day!" It seemed to me that they were either lying or that most people don't do shit.  Well, I can only speak for myself as a recruit at Parris Island, it's not a lie and most people don't do shit!!  There are three words that every recruit who goes through Marine Corps boot camp will learn to love and hate based on when they're said, either at Reveille or Taps.  Those three words are "Lights! Lights! Lights!"  In the morning when you hear them it means get your worthless ass up and on line for the head count immediately.  There is no snooze option.  There is only instant obedience.   Don't believe me?  Well, on our second day as Platoon 2070 one young man found out what happens when you don't get up.  He stayed in bed while the rest of us got on line.  The Heavy went over and knelt down next to his head and said softly (to my eternal amazement) "Son, it's time to get up." The kid said "Five more minutes, please?" The Heavy didn't even bother to reply.  What he did instead was stand up, grab the mattress and flip the kid out of bed and onto the floor.  The startled recruit jumped up with his fist clenched and was met instantly by the Heavy and the other two green belts who were all screaming at him "Go ahead and swing and you will not even feel your teeth break as your face hits the floor!!!  Now get your ass on line now!!!"  On line does not mean connect to the Internet and check your facebook.  The squad bay is a wide open room with beams that divide into three sections.  On the port side (left) and starboard side (right) there are rows of bunks and footlockers.  The middle of the squad bay is called the DI Highway.  It bears this name for to reasons: 1) this where the DIs inspect the platoon because the recruits line up in between the beams on each side (Hence the term ON LINE) and 2) if a recruit steps into the middle, he will get run over.

While on the subject of the DI Highway, I should probably introduce the other two Green Belts.  Sgt Smith is a short, bald white man with a sarcastic wit and an evil disposition.  He has a spider web tattoo on one of his elbows and what I can only assume is a woman on the other.  I say assume because I can only see the legs beneath his shirt sleeve.  Sgt Smith doesn't answer questions right away.  Instead he stares you down menacingly an sticks his hand, which he holds hook shaped, into your face and twists it until he finally answers in a quiet evil whisper.  He's an extremely scary individual who I'm convinced may have murdered several people before he joined the Marines. Sgt Cain is a tall, wiry, young white man who wears glasses and is the closest living resemblance to Where's Waldo that I've ever seen.  He is the only DI that makes mistakes when he gives orders which gets snickers from the platoon and then all of us in trouble. Cain is also the only DI that every single member of the platoon believes they can kick the snot out of in a straight fight.  He speaks with a weird drawl that makes him sound like he has minor cerebral palsy.  Maybe that is too harsh a way to describe him but I can't think of a kinder one.  Have you ever seen Police Academy?  When Lt Harris introduces himself to his cadets he tells them "You are going to hate my guts for the rest of your lives."  Sgt Cain seems like he studied Lt Harris.

The days are long and there are absolutely no amenities.  This is a bare essentials existence.  Every thing is done on the go.  Even chow is fast.  And the DIs have tricks for days.  Everything they say is a test.  The Senior came through the chow hall and asked us if we were enjoying chow.  2070 responded "YES SIR!"  Then he asked if we wanted seconds.  Again, "YES SIR!"  The Senior smiled and then loudly said you got 30 seconds to finish and began counting down from 30.   Like I said, everything is a test and we just flunked!  Now I said that "Lights, Lights, Lights" are the most hated and welcome three words at boot camp depending on when you hear them.  At night when you hear them it means the day is over and you have survived a day in the closest thing that resembles Hell.