Even when you win, you lose!

I swear that this place is designed to screw you over.  Thirteen weeks is a long time but considering all the stuff that needs to be crammed in, it might be too short.  Swim qual alone could take two or three weeks.  Instead, they cram an inspection in that week as well.  Everyone needs to get through the initial swim qualification.  Whether that takes one day or five is insignificant.  Combat Water Survival Qualification takes five days.  So here is part of the mind fuck that is Marine Corps Basic Training.  The DIs love to tell us that every Marine is a rifleman, every Marine needs to know everything there is to know about basic infantry skills.  If a Marine can't swim, he needs to take five days to learn.  However, if you know how to swim then get to the pool get through Day 1 and worry about getting the other four days done once you get to your unit.  Oh and by the way, the platoon gets points (yes points, like the friggin houses at Hogwarts) for how many recruits pass all five levels.  The DIs go postal whenever somebody succeeds in the pool and has to go back the following day, but go equally postal when somebody comes back with a failure.  I was a lifeguard for three years before I joined the Marines.  I grew up going to a lake every summer and swimming everyday.  My uncle taught me to swim by throwing me off the dock without a lifejacket on when I barely old enough to walk for christ sake.  The one thing I knew I wouldn't have a lot of trouble with here was the pool.  So after being starved for the last month and not seeming able to do anything except stutter when asked a simple question, I finally got to shine.  I was the only recruit in Platoon 2070 to get CWSQ 5.  I didn't realize that I inadvertently screwed myself over by doing well in the pool.  The rest of the platoon spent most of the week prepping there uniforms and cleaning their rifles.  I didn't have the same amount of time to clean mine, and you can't unlock your rifle at just any given time.  The DIs told us that when the Inspector asks how long we cleaned our rifles we were to answer "This recruit cleans his rifle for one hour every day, Sir!"  The screws in the buttstock of my rifle had sand in them.  I knew it. My squad leader knew it.  My DIs knew it.  The Inspector asked me why my rifle was dirty?  How long did I spend cleaning it each day?  I answered the way I was ordered to.  The Inspector failed me.  There were six failures in the platoon for that inspection.  Each of us got quarterdecked for a half hour for our unsatisfactory performance.  My personal favorite part of the quarterdecking was Sgt Smith repeatedly asking me if I enjoyed my leisurely week at the pool?  Ya you stupid jackass!!  Of course I did!!  Especially the part where the Instructor jumped on my back and tried to drown me!!!   I guess Gryffindor gets no points today!!!!