Practice P.F.T.

All Marines, recruit to Generals, have to take and pass the Physical Fitness Test or P.F.T twice a year.  The PFT is broken into three sections; 1) A 3-mile run, 2) crunches and 3) pull-ups for males and flex arm-hang for females.  Each section has a maximum score and a minimum score.  If you run the 3 miles in 18 minutes or less you get 100 pts.  If you run the 3 miles in 28 minutes or longer, then you fail.  Crunches are one point a piece, and you have to touch your crossed forearms to your thighs while raising your shoulders off the ground for it to count.  You have two minutes to do 100 for 100 points.  If you do less than 60 in two minutes you fail.  Finally there are the pull-ups.  They are worth five points a piece.  20 is the max and less than 3 is failing.  For a pull-up to count you must come to a dead hang, raise your chin above the bar and return to a dead hang.  If you kip (kick your legs to assist yourself) it doesn't count.

We have taken several practice PFT's over the last several weeks but this one was by far the most intense.  The DIs were scoring everything extremely tight.  Not counting crunches, or pull-ups that have counted for weeks.  I average 8 pull-ups every time and Sgt Smith only counted "four".  Three is passing but when I reported my "4" to the Senior, he screamed in my face, "THREE?!?!? Jesus Christ Connors that's barely passing!!!" and wrote my name on a list.  Later that day the Heavy called out a list of names which included mine and we all had to go up and do three max sets of pull-ups.  He told us that we would do this five times a day until the PFT because we were all pathetic and weak.  So that's fun, but I digress.

I have heard guys crying in their racks at night about wanting to go home.  I have seen guys try to commit suicide to get sent home.  I have seen one guy attack a DI to get sent home.  But one of the guys in 2070 tried to get sent to sent home by failing the PFT?!?!?  I don't know what Blice was thinking about or if he even thought about this at all.  Either way what he did was monumentally stupid.  Guys fall out formation runs and marches all the time due to heat exhaustion, heat stroke, heat cramps, blisters, having to urinate or deficate, or some just can't keep out.  When a guy falls out of run due to a heat injury they usually fall flat on their face and don't move.  If they do move they usually get up and then eventually fall back down again.  Whenever this happens a corpsman needs to take their temperature.  They don't take your temperature orally when you pass out on the ground.  Do you get what I'm saying?!?!  They use what's called the silver bullet and it is a rectal thermometer.  Blice had apparently decided that he was going to fall out of the run.  There were three whole miles to figure when to do this.  Where might you ask did Blice decide to hit the pavement?  The halfway point?  After the first turn?  Before the last turn?  How about 100 yards from the finish line and in direct view of all the Drill Instructors?  The last one just seems idiotic, doesn't it?  Well, you guessed it...  that is exactly where this genius decided to play sick.  And he didn't just fall down, this silly bastard jumped and dove head first like Rickey Henderson dives when stealing second.  The Senior saw this and lost his mind.  He was so glad at Blice that he smoked him right there on the side of the road.  Just for good measure he dragged Blice by the shirt to the finish line and wrote a passing score on the sheet and screamed, "THE ONLY WAY YOU ARE LEAVING THIS ISLAND IS ON YOUR FEET LIKE A MAN OR IN A BAG!!!  YOU MAKE SICK!!!"  So I guess having to do some extra pull-ups isn't all that bad.

The Repelling Tower

The second phase of BWT is the repelling tower.  The repelling tower is forty feet high and is large plank wall that says USMC down the side.  From the ground it looks high.  From the top it looks like you are standing on top of a GOD DAMN MOUNTAIN!!!  We sat through a quick class on how to tie the harness.  The harness is a complicated series of knots tied around your upper thighs and around your waist.  You have to tie extremely tight.  Now I've lost over thirty five pounds since I've been here, so my legs and waist aren't as thick as they used to be.  The harness is digging into my bones.  The procedure for repelling down the wall is relatively simple.  You wear gloves and have two ropes attached to your harness.  You keep one hand in front of you to guide you and one behind your butt to brake you.  How fast you go depends on how tightly you grip the rope.  Sounds simple right?  HAHAHAHA!!  Ya...  not so much!!!  There is a DI at the top and and bottom as safeties or belays.  They will not allow you to fall.  Or so you hope.

We have to climb the steps up to the top of the tower and it takes forever because there are almost three hundred guys that have to do this and they only do two at a time. One guy walks down the wall, the other zip lines off a Huey.

Climbing the stairs and standing there with this make shift nut, butt and hip hugger is tedious and painful.  From the stairs it still doesn't look that high.  Once we get to the top however it is a-whole-nother story.  I'm afraid of heights.  I'm not exactly sure when this happened but I know that it's true.  I began to get insanely nervous the closer it got to my turn.  The reason for this is the one part of the process I didn't mention yet.  Once you are all strapped in and ready, you have you talk to the edge of the tower, turn your back and lean out over it till your straight legs are at a 90 degree angle from the wall.  The only thing keeping you from falling is your hand on the rope.

People say nerves are like butterflies in your stomach, well then I must have had bats in mine.  Leaning out over that wall was the single most terrifying thing I've ever done!!!  The DI screaming in my face didn't help matters.  I began to walk down the wall.  I must have appeared to be going to fast because both the upper and lower DI began screaming at me.  The next thing I knew I was upside down and hanging there.  The lower DI yanked the belay and stopped me and I went backwards because I wasn't ready for it.  So there I am hanging upside down 30 feet above the ground...  DID I MENTION I'M AFRAID OF HEIGHTS?!?!?!  I had get back to wall with my feet and legs pressed against it before the DI would release the belay.  The whole thing might have taken 2 minutes but it felt like 20 years.  Finally I made it down the wall and a tremendous wave of relief washed over me.  Until the DI said I had to go again.  FML!!!  Again?!?!?! Well, the second time went a lot better than the first...  THANK GOD.  I may not have conquered my fear but I beat it back quite a bit today.

The Gas Chamber

The next phase of training is called Basic Warrior Training or BWT.  The first part of this joyous experience is the gas chamber.  We sat through a series of classes where they explained how the mask works and how to create a seal and how to clear the mask.  They also explained what the gas does and its effects on the body. Tear gas or CS gas is a non-lethal weapon that stimulates the corneal nerves in the eyes to cause tears, pain and even blindness. We were told not breathe it in.  We were told not open our eyes.  We were told not touch our faces afterward.  Why am telling you this?  Because just like everything else that we've done in this self-imposed insane asylum, some people just DO NOT listen!!!  

We practiced taking the mask out of the case and putting it on.  We practiced breaking the seal and then clearing the mask.  We practiced raising the mask to our foreheads and the pulling it back on and clearing it.  Finally we practiced taking it all the way and then putting it back on and clearing it.  We did this with our eyes tightly closed, our mouths closed and holding our breath because that is how you do it in the gas chamber.  This will also minimize your exposure to the gas. They emphasized the importance of learning to do this quickly and calmly.  The DIs told us that once we were inside the doors would be locked and that we wouldn't be allowed to leave till we completed the three procedures with the mask.  It almost seemed idiot proof.

Our Senior was in the gas chamber.  He had on a complete Chem Suit.  He looked like Doc Brown or Marty from Back to the Future in that getup.  We had our gas mask carriers strapped to our legs and our fatigues on.  Once we got inside the senior said "GAS! GAS! GAS!"  The signal to put on the masks.  We put on our masks as he broke the gas pellet and CS Gas began to fill the room.  Now one side effect that nobody mentioned is the sting.  We got hair cuts the day before and most of us have sand flea bites all over our arms. The gas seeped into our cuts and our pores and stung like crazy.  I could feel it burning in my ears and my neck from where I shaved the night before. It was uncomfortable but tolerable.

Now what happened next I still find difficult to believe.  We were told to take a deep breath and break the seal of masks. We had to wait till we were told to clear them.  Then we cleared them by pushing the cannister and exhaling which blows the gas out of the mask and reseals it.  However a small amount of the gas remains in the mask and it burns.  Once again uncomfortable but tolerable.  Now the next command was take a deep breath and pull the mask up to our foreheads.  One of the guys did it backwards.  He lifted off his mask and then took a deep breath.  He flipped out.  He began to cough and scream.  The Senior ordered us to clear our masks.  The kid yelled at the top of his "I NEED TO GET THE F@#$ OUT OF HERE!!!" Then he ran as fast as could at the door and literally bounced off it and fell to the ground.  Then he did it again!!!  At this point the Senior grabbed him and slapped him.  Literally he slapped him across the face like Lesley Nielson in Airplane.  "THAT DOOR WON'T OPEN UNTIL WE GET THROUGH THE NEXT TWO MOVEMENTS!!" the Senior screamed.  Somehow the kid got himself together and we did the next two drills.  Once we got outside the cool air hit our skin and then it really started to burn.  Guys were coughing and wretching and snot was running free. If you are ever really stuffed up, a little CS gas will clear you right up!!

A Million Dollar Experience

Did you know that if you stand up straight that you could pass out?  I can't believe it.  We were out practicing for final drill and two guys in the platoon just fainted.  It was the god damnedest thing I've seen yet.  All of a sudden they just collapsed, and when they did they took out the guy next to them.  Apparently if you stand with your knees locked it cuts off the blood flow to your brain and you will pass out.  The body is a truly fascinating thing...   if you lock your knees it cuts off an artery that flows to your brain?!?!  It makes sense I guess but it still blew my mind.  Anyways, guess what happened when they two guys woke up?  If you guess they got screamed at and quarter-decked, then you guessed correctly.  Care to guess what happened to the two guys that got knocked down when they fainted?  They got screamed at and had to push ups for not being more aware of their surroundings.  The sad thing is that I am starting to understand what the DIs are talking about.  While we are supposed to focus on the task at hand, we can't be so focused that we close our eyes to potential risks.  Of course understanding the reason doesn't make the hassle of getting smoked by the DIs any more pleasant.

Our Senior Drill Instructor takes close order drill seriously.  Actually he treats it more like a religion.  And I don't think the most extreme and dedicated Islamic terrorist takes his religion as seriously as the Senior takes Drill.  He was so mad at us for screwing up the drill card the day before Final Drill that he pitted us for an hour.  While he was screaming at us he threw his cover on the ground and spit on it.  He spit on his own hat!!!  Drill Instructors are nicknamed "Hats." They go to 13 weeks of DI School to earn their Hats.  This was really serious.  Before he stormed off and left us with the Heavy and the Green Belts he screamed "Go ahead and look like shit tomorrow if you want!!!  I'm gonna get my 100!!!"  The DIs get scored for Drill separately from the platoon but the scores are combined for the final score.  The rest of our day was a series of ass chewings and drill practice and quarter-deckings, and more drill practice and more ass chewings.

In a weird version of cosmic karma this collection of incompetent fools known as Platoon 2070 nailed final drill.  We were locked and cocked.  We nailed every movement in perfect sync.  Due to a forecast that called for lightning we did rifle manual in the gym and didn't do the marching portion at all. We really thought we had won our first series trophy.  When the Senior came back from the Series meeting we expected to have the trophy with him.  He didn't.  It turns out that HE got docked points for a misstep and that lowered our score from 1st place to third.  On a normal day I think we would have gotten smoked for half the day because we lost.  This wasn't a normal day.  He was proud of us and mad at himself.  For the rest of the day we watched movies in the squad bay.  We got to see pride on all of DIs faces and that was something special.  Sometimes this can be a million dollar experience...  a million dollar experience that you wouldn't pay a nickel for.